Sometimes I wish I could lend my brain to someone else for a day. Could someone else sort out everything? Give some good advice? Or would they think I'm just as crazy as I feel?
I'm not sure if it's the grieving or me losing my marbles, but I feel so scatter brained I can barely keep up. I can't make decisions to save my life, and simple tasks exhaust me. It's like I can't even escape myself. I just want to unscrew my head, take out my brain, and chunk it out the window. Being a zombie sounds more appealing than what I'm dealing with.
Losing my mind is causing me to lose my sleep. It keeps me up all night, and wakes me up at all hours. I just want to sleep. Really sleep. I want to wake up feeling refreshed. I want to be able to conquer an entire day without feeling like I need to tape my eyes open. Being exhausted everyday doesnt even begin to explain it. It's a different kind of tired. It's as if every single cell in my body is begging for a break.
I need to take better care of myself, but I'm not sure how. I have no motivation to do much of anything. When I do find the motivation, before I know it, just the thought of getting started is overwhelming. Then I'm back to square one wishing I could sleep all my problems away. It's like a vicious cycle. All I want to do is sleep, but then I wake up to the same problems and hours of wasted time.
I just don't feel right, like my whole system is off. Food is hardly ever appealing these days. I'm always tired. Ive been sick twice in the past month. My body aches. I feel like I'm barely making it through the days. Everyday is like one day closer to my body finally giving up.
I just want to sleep....