Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Boy has it been a while. A few have mentioned that they miss reading my blogs. And honestly guys, I'm not sure there's much else to say.

Besides grieving, I've got a whole new pile of crap I'm trying to sort through. Maybe it's not necessarily not having anything to say, as it is that I'm scared to share it. My trust in others has gone down the shitter fast. Some days I can feel my bitterness getting to an all time high. In a lot of ways I blame myself for getting close to people I shouldn't have. I really don't know. These days I just feel like such a fuck up. Like I'm bound to always have something going on because I don't deserve any better. Lately, I really worry that my life with Chad was as good as its gonna get. Maybe that's the only love I will ever find. Maybe that was it. Plain and simple.

I just miss when things were easy. I miss the unconditional love from Chad. I hate feeling so alone.

So there it is folks. I haven't been writing because it's just been the same old shit.


4 comments:

  1. You deserve so much better than anyone has led you to believe. You've achieved a lot more than those hateful people will ever achieve. Girl, sometimes you just have to flip the finger and say "Suck IT". You're a great person. Don't ever think different...please. Stay sweet and strong. Like a midori drink lol. It's sweet, and strong, and sneeks up on you to cause innebreation. haha. Chin up Katie. You're destined for great things.

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  2. This broke my heart Katie. You deserve so much more than to feel like this. I hope someday you will find someone to love you unconditionally like Chad, but who also respects your love for Chad. That guy is out there somewhere. And as for the other people, fuck 'em. They don't know what you're going through and everyone handles things differently. I love you and I hope things start getting better for you!

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  3. *hugs* I wish I had something comforting to say.

    I have hope that someday you will find happiness again, it will prolly never be as great as it was with Chad, but I'm sure it will be close. If anyone deserves it, than it's you. I don't know you personally, but if anyone is entitled to tell people to go fall down a hill than it's you. If you need to do that, than do it. Think about yourself and your well being and don't think about anyone else.

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  4. Oh Katie. I am so so sorry. I dont understand how its fair that when someone goes through something soo horrible life seems to just stay so hard for a while after. I am not comparing our situations at all. I cant imagine what you have been through but after my daughter died It has just felt its one more thing after another. and its not just something small. I feel my life is completely different. Every relationship. Everything is effected. I wish I could say something to help. To help you feel better. To give you hope. the only thing I can tell you is how incredible you are. I come check on your blog all the time hoping you are doing okay. I pray for you. I pray you can feel love. You deserve the world Katie and as wonderful as it was with Wade I truly believe you will feel that happiness and love again. I have worried about that so much. I am pregnant now with our second child. The first after our Kenzie passed and I am scared to death to love him in the same way I love her. I dont know how I would feel with a spouse so I hope im not implying that. I just look up to you.
    I think you are so strong and I hope you know how you have changed a strangers life over here.

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