Monday, January 3, 2011

I love you Chad

I'm not sure why..but my heart is so full of love for Chad today. Of course it always is...but today I still feel the love between us. I just wish I could talk to him.

My sweet man,
I love you! I love you so incredibly much. You know that right? Know that forever you will be MY husband. You are my whole heart and I don't understand why this is happening... I would do ANYTHING just to have you back home safe. I would give up my life if it meant I could spend just one more day with you. No one gets me like you do. I miss that a lot...I miss being goofy with each other, without a care in the world. My body aches for you Chad, really and truly aches all the way from my bones. My chest feels heavy constantly and sometimes I wonder if I will be able to swallow again without feeling like I just swallowed a rock. My head hangs low...and when I smile it's not the same. Not the same smile you gave me. I just want to feel you. Kiss you and hold your hand. Even your retard one. :) The one that is missing a knuckle. You know how much I loved your hands baby. Keep your hands on my heart baby. Hold on to it for as long as I need you to. Hold me in your precious perfect arms. God I miss you so much baby. I want to scream..this isn't fair. Baby please call me. Tell me this is a huge mistake. Tell me they knocked on the wrong door. Please please wake me up from this sick dream. I don't care if you had to spend the next several months in Afghanistan..I just wanted you to come home. Please come home to me...you promised me baby. I'm not mad at you..I just don't understand. Did I make you happy? You know my whole life revolved around making you as happy as you made me. Nothing matters to me now. Nothing...I just want you back. Oh my god....just please come back. My heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest.This isn't fair Chad. I'm so mad you didn't get to live your life...the one you wanted so badly. Back home with a house and kids. Why the hell as that taken away from you? You deserved to live your life more than anyone else in this world. More than me. I can't stop crying and screaming out for you....no one will ever know the pain I feel in my heart. I just want it gone...I just want you to take it's place.

4 comments:

  1. My heart aches for you...I can't imagine your pain, but your words are so real and therefore I can imagine it to be the worst pain ever. I contine to pray for you every night...God bless you, Katie!

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  2. I don't personally know you, but I can only pray that you find a peice solace to pull you through. You have my thoughts, my tears, and my prayers. From one military wife to another.

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  3. I'm praying for you this morning, Katie. I just wanted you to know that.

    Also...if you're wanting something really powerful to listen to, there is an amazing song that played on the radio station I listen to this morning. I immediately thought of you. You can find it on youtube. Type in Everything I Need by Kutless and it'll pop up. It's just an encouraging message.

    Love and prayers are always with you, sweet girl. If you ever want to contact me, you can go to my blog or find me on facebook. My name is Jennifer Lloyd Goodwin if you try on there. Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you today.

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