Sunday, November 21, 2010

Another busy week down!

This week has flown by! I'm sure not complaining though. :)

I don't have any new updates from Chad. I haven't talked to him in a week. Of course I'm hoping to hear from him soon, but not getting my hopes up. We still aren't sure when they will be issued their own satellite phone, so I might not talk to them until then.

As for me I have been busy with the girls. It was a fun week and they are always such good company. Everyone is finally able to come over to have dinner at my house this week. I'm going to make some chicken chili. Yum! We are also planning on doing some shopping trips this week for our ugly sweater Christmas party.

Tomorrow if the weather is good I plan on painting a hutch that I bought a few days ago. I've been anxious to paint it but it's been rainy and I didn't want to spray paint anything in the house. :) I got it for dirt cheap and it's really cute, just doesn't match the color scheme in our house. I can't wait to finish it and set it up. I've been looking for one like this for a while to put in place of an old shelving unit I had gotten rid of weeks ago. I love getting big projects like this to keep me busy. I will be putting up before and after photos once it's in progress!

Today I was feeling terrible. I was really upset I didn't get to do anything I wanted to get done today...but my body just wasn't up to it. I'm finally feeling better and I could keep some dinner down after a nap. I spent most of the day on the couch watching movies. I was so hungry all day but every time I tried to eat or even went to look at food...I knew my stomach couldn't handle it. This always happens though this time of month, and it only last for about a day and then I'm good as new. Thank goodness for that.

This week will be just as busy. I still have to put together Chad's care package. I need a full day just for that. So maybe this next weekend because I'm not going to have any other time this week.

This month is almost over with! I just keep telling myself that I got through the first month of this deployment(woohoo).. now I'm focused to getting to the halfway mark at the end of Jan. I honestly think that with the holidays and all the other things I'm starting to do, time really is going to fly by. I don't want people to think I wish my life away...lol. But this time has been good for me too. I get to do a lot of things for me and I get lots of time with all my girl friends. Pretty soon I will start my volunteer job at the animal hospital. I'm really excited for that because it will take up most of my days. Right now I'm at a really good place and I have a really positive outlook on this deployment. I WILL get through it, and I am going to be so proud of both of us for doing it. After that we have the rest of our lives to do whatever we want. :)

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Drinking some tea and watching a movie..

So I've been really busy! I feel like I'm never at the house unless I'm sleeping.lol. I feel bad for the Remmers because hes at home alone a lot..I want to start taking him on daily walks. I think I'm done taking him to the dog park. Every time we do he gets fleas. yuck! So that's enough of that.

I talked to Chad last night. :) He's been calling every 3-4 days. Last night we talked for almost an hour! I need to learn to just enjoy the conversation..but I always find myself getting anxious about having to say goodbye. I want to work on that. :)

Chad has been dong great! Was a little sick for a few days but sounds and feels a lot better. I've already started another care package. It's so funny that I keep thinking of new stuff to send him. Plus he keeps needing some extra stuff. I love doing this for him...I love being able to send a little bit of home to him. :) I'm gonna try making brownies in a jar. It's just like cake in a jar, but Chad hates cake and loves brownies. I'm going to need a whole day dedicated to just that. I can't wait for him to get them. :) Brownies are the only thing "sweet" he will eat. And I sure do miss making them for him.

Already put Christmas decorations. I told Chad that I was sad it was our last Christmas in California, but he quickly reminded me that it would be our last one apart. Which means Chad is dead set on not re enlisting. So in about a year we will be back in AR permanently. As scared as I am to start over back home, I'm so happy that we will NEVER have to be apart again. I get all nervous and excited just thinking about it!

The first month of this deployment is down!! Wooohoo! We made it through some of the hardest parts. Only 6 more to go! Easier said than done... :)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Just a little thought..

I'm going to be totally honest...

I am TERRIFIED about Chad's contract ending and us moving back to AR and starting a civilian life. Yes, a lot of it is hard. But there is also a lot of benefits. I have gotten so comfortable with this life, it's all I really know...Chad and I have never been together without the structure of the military. I feel selfish because I'm not the one that has to go and do what he does at work everyday, but I wish he would consider maybe choosing something other than infantry. This economy is so bad and I worry getting out right now would really set us back. We have talked about it a lot, and he promises me that we will be fine. I almost wonder if he's just so excited about getting out that he's not looking at the big picture, our future. I get scared because I hear about couples getting out and barely making it and have a hard time re-adjusting. I was watching a show on tv and this guy got out of the Army and couldn't find a job for 3 years. I know every situation is different, but I'm a thinker and I tend to almost over think every little thing. Our future is kinda a big deal though..lol

I'm anxious to see how Chad thinks after this deployment. So I guess all I can do is wait to see what he decides. Last time I knew, he wanted to get out. Either way, I will support him 100%.

Vlog

I really would like to start a video blog. But Im not sure if Im interesting enough for anyone to watch..or if anyone would even care. Im at a loss as to what I should do my first video on. So if anyone reads my blog...GIVE ME SOME IDEAS!! lol. I was even thinking maybe I could start off with some questions from others...maybe to get to know me. I don't know..Im still not 100% sure this is someting I want to do...

So i guess post some ideas or questions and maybe I can get this started!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Another Chad update!

Woohoo!! Got another unexpected phone call from Chad this morning. I for sure thought it would be weeks before I heard from him again,but I was pleasantly surprised to wake up to his voice.

He is doing great. Hes been really busy on patrols and says he already has lots of stories to bring home. He sounded really happy. :) He is sick with something that I guess all the Marines will get at some point because the people over there are so dirty. (he said it not me)haha He said he has already lost a lot of weight..poor guy. I knew he would but I didn't think it would happen so early into the deployment. Hes been writing me everyday. :) Boy I cant wait to get them. I send him letters through motomail once and sometimes twice a day. I always find comfort in writing him. I'm going to start on another care package for him this weekend. I always want him to have everything he wants and needs. He deserves so much and I wish I could give it all to him. And its crazy how excited they get over the little things. I told him I wanted to send him toilet paper and he was so excited. I know I'm not experiencing what he is, and I will never fully understand...but in ways I appreciate all that I have too. I might not have a fancy big house..but its OUR home and everything in it is OURS. That alone means the world to me.

I'm on like a high right now because of his phone call. We actually got to talk for longer than 5 minutes!! He said he might be able to call me again tomorrow morning, but I always prepare myself to not get a call for a long time. So anything in between is even more special. Let me tell you, I already feel spoiled to have talked to him twice in one week. :)

Nothing is going to take my happiness away today! I wont let it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARINES!!

Oh I almost forgot!! Chad picked up Cpl on he first!! Im so proud of him .He's been chasing the cutting score forever..and hed only miss it by a few points. He's finally an NCO. :) Have I mentioned Im so proud of him?!?! haha

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Another loss has lead me to this prayer..

Lord, keep them safe from all hidden dangers. Shield and shelter them with your wings, and let your faithful promises be their armor and protection.May they not be afraid of the terrors of the night, nor fear the dangers of the day or the disaster that strikes at mid-day. Though a thousand other people may fall at their side, though thousands are dying around them, protect our men and women from harm.As they make you, the Lord, their refuge and shelter, let no evil conquer them, no plague come near their tent or dwelling. Order your angels to protect them wherever they go.

Amen

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Got a phone call from Chad!!

Hooray!!!! I got my first phone call from Chad in over a week!! It was Friday night and at first I missed 2 of his three calls. :( Omg I was so upset. I had to get a new phone that day and the battery was dying while I was out with friends. So I had it charging in Emily's car for about an hour before I checked on it. I even told Emily, "Watch, the only time I don't have my phone with he will call. " And what do ya know, he totally did. But after seeing the 2 missed calls and voice mails, he called me back!!

He sounded so good and actually happy. Another group of guys went through Chads FOB and they had satellite phones. Chad's squad have not been given theirs yet, but he was told they should have one at the end of this month. Then he will be able to call me a lot more. Even though it was less than 10 min phone call, it meant the entire world to me. He said they have been so busy going on patrols, and within the first 2 hours of him being there he was already taking care of Afghan casualties. He assured me he was doing ok, and told me he has been writing me everyday. :) I can NOT wait to get his sweet letters. I also have been writing him everyday through motomail and hope he gets mine soon as well. It was so hard trying to get in over a weeks worth of stuff crammed into 10 minutes. So this time I will write down a list of things I forgot to tell him last time. I am so thankful that he is doing ok and staying healthy. I miss him so much. I'm not sure when I will hear from him again, he mentioned that he might be able to use the same sat phone in a few days. I'm just preparing myself to wait until they get their own, which could not be for a few weeks.

Just a little mushy side note...
Chad is so good to me. Every time we hang up the phone, whether he is at work, or deployed across the country, he always says "goodbye beautiful" when hanging up the phone. Totally melts my heart. :)

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Wrote this a few days ago..

First of all, I just want to say thank you to all of those who have come to me about my blog. It feels so good that I have touched some lives in some way. Everytime someone does say something positive about what Im writing, it truly lifts me up. And for those of you who follow, you know how much I need that right now.

Now for a little update.
I dont really feel comfortable giving details or even fully explaining what has happened this past week. Just for the sake of the Marine and his family. But I will say that something has happened in Chads Battalion that has truly opened my eyes, in bad ways and good. It is so crazy to think that they have only been there for a short period of time, and yet things have already happened. I can't imagine how hard the rest of this deployment will be.. But I pray that it gets a lot better. Chad is ok as far as I know. I had asked my FRO about Chads company , since I still have yet to hear from him, and he assured me they are ok. And as of right now, I have no idea when the next time I will hear from Chad. He is currently at a smaller FOB and has no access to reach me until he gets to a bigger one. Which could be months away from now. This is so hard for me to hear. It's so hard to imagine living my life without Chad knowing every detail, and me not knowing his. What I just need to keep reminding myself now is that no news is good news. So as long as I don't get a knock on my door to Marines in uniforms...he is ok.



I don't want to dwell on the bad, but I dont want to be naive either. Just trying to keep my head held high.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Anxious, mad, scared, lonely...

Doesn't even begin to describe how I feel right now. I'm emotionally and physically drained. I'm stressed beyond belief..

Its officially been 1 week since I have heard Chad's voice. But all the sudden, I keep hearing some of the wives say that they haven't heard from their Marine in 4-6 weeks. OH MY GOD! What the hell am I going to do if that happens?!? I will lose my freaking mind. There's the saying no news is good news. But every second of everyday, I hope to hear my phone ring with him on the other end. It is so hard not being able to talk to your best friend. Especially in this situation..

I keep putting my hands over my face and wondering how I'm ever going to get through this. If it is going to be this stressful the whole deployment. I feel so helpless that I can't do anything for Chad...I can't call him. I can't make sure he has everything he needs and is ok. I can't do anything but wait and try to stay sane. It's not working..

To be totally honest, I feel guilty for taking so much time trying to regroup myself. I feel like I let people down when I right these entries or post on Facebook that I'm having a hard time. I'm trying to make so many people happy all at once. I'm just at a weird place right now. It is so hard to explain. Almost like I'm empty..like no matter what I do I'm not the same kind of happy that I am with Chad around. I have so many highs and lows..one minute I'm doing ok. Then the next, I break down. Ive noticed I get really angry easily. Deep down I know I'm just mad about my husband being taken away. I'm mad that I have no control over ANYTHING anymore. I can wish and hope as hard as I can, but it still doesn't get me a phone call. I'm on this crazy roller coaster ride and I can't get off no matter how loud I yell to make it stop. I just want to crawl into a hole.

I have had to stop writing periodically throughout this entry...to bury my face in my hands, feel my skin get hot, and my jaw tense. Anything little thing right now would push me right over the edge.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Urrrg

Not feeling myself ever since I got some sad news yesterday. I just REALLY wish I could talk to my husband. It's day 5 since I have heard from him. 5 days isn't very long, but in my case 5 days feels like a lifetime because half of my heart is in a war zone. I tried doing some frames but got frustrated with it and that just made me more upset. Ugh I just want to hear his voice...that's it. I just want to cry I'm so frustrated, anxious, sad, and scared.

My bed and movies are calling my name...

Monday, November 1, 2010

Man Oh Man!

Its been over a week since I have been able to update! I had some problems with the cord that charges my laptop so I had no way of using my laptop until I got my new cord ordered. And luckily for me, it got here today! Yeehaw! I felt so removed from the rest of the world. haha. Its good to be back.


It's been 12 days since Chad has been gone. I can't believe its almost been 2 weeks! Ive been super busy with my birthday and Halloween. My birthday was fantastic! Emily did an amazing job of making it such a special day. We spent the day getting pedicures and some shopping. Later a great group of my lad friends all got together at Olive Garden for dinner. I didn't get to hear from Chad but I figured that would be the case. I actually haven't heard from him in 4 days, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it wont be much longer until I hear from him.


I got Chads first care package all ready to go! I'm soo excited! I had to get 2 boxes because they aren't that big and there was no way everything was going to fit in just one. Heck, 2 packages of socks took a whole box all to themselves!

Yesterday was Halloween and I didn't do anything to exciting. Just had some friends over for movies and handed out candy to or total of 3 trick or treaters! Even though I was a little bummed we didn't get more kiddos, we didn't mind eating most of the candy. :)
P.S. Ive been thinking about starting a video blog. It would be easier for me but Im not sure if anybody would be interested.And I don't want to start it if no one wants to watch. I would probably keep up with this blog the way it is but make a channel on Youtube. I would want to do anything from just talking about to deployment, to recipes, cooking, crafts, and lots of other stuff. I would love to hear what you guys think! Let me know!!