What's someones normal after a situation like this? I'm not really even sure if there is such a thing.
My normal is now completely opposite of what I am use to. My normal is crying at the drop of a hat. My normal is losing sleep and losing weight. My normal is wondering, how the hell am I going to make it through this day? My normal is a messy house that never seems to stay clean and put together. Laundry that never gets done. Normal is screaming at the top of my lungs at stupid drivers. My normal is laughing at people who amaze me...because I am in so much shock. My normal is never wanting to go to sleep...but once I do..I never want to get up. My normal is not being able to bring myself to sleeping in our bed. My new bed is my couch. My normal is constant headaches and fatigue. My normal is getting so annoyed with things I never even noticed before. My normal is clenching my fists and jaw when really and truly its taking everything I have not to punch someone or something. My normal is accidentally running to my ringing phone, because for a split second, I think it might be Chad calling from Afghanistan. My normal is having dreams that my husband comes home to tell me it's all a mistake. I never want to wake up from those dreams. My normal is being terrified of being alone. My normal is so confused as to what I am suppose to do now. My normal is not knowing what the hell I will be doing in a year from now. My normal is doing the best I can to remember what it is like to have my husband around...what it's like to hear his voice.
What is normal? How do you get back to normal after this? I don't think you do. I think everything becomes a new way to deal with this life that has been handed to me. Normal is being a human being and feeling all of the shitty stuff you have to feel to make it through.. Isn't that crazy? That you HAVE to feel the hurt to ever feel better again.